A New Me, or Just the Me I Was Meant to Be?

Those of you who have laboriously waded through the treacle of my desperation by way of my early posts will know that professional disillusionment initially motivated my foray into 'BlogWorld'.

Isn't it odd that my disenchantment has metamorphosed into hope in the space of just a few short months?  

Or was it, perhaps, simply meant to be?

I feel like a new person; like I've been reborn.  

A decision I'd wrestled with for years seemed to make itself.  I quit my job.  Simple as that.  No more trying to avoid the reality that was staring me in the face.  I wasn't happy at work.  And it was making me unhappy in general.

Of course, over the last few months, I've questioned my decision to quit.  I've wondered whether I was simply using my job as a scapegoat for my unhappiness.  Wondered if I had really considered all the repercussions of quitting.  And ultimately I've come to the conclusion that the decision is without a shadow of a doubt the right one.

Tomorrow is my last day of work.  And while I will be sad to say goodbye to a good many friends made along the way, I feel, way down deep inside, like this is exactly where I am meant to be at this moment in time.

I must admit to feeling somewhat nostalgic these past few days.  It's made me look back on my life.  It got me to thinking about where exactly this decision fit into my "10-year Plan".  I started thinking back 10 years.

Which is when it hit me.  

It's ten years ago that I made another monumental decision to quit.  I found myself separated, on my own for the first time ever.  And I remember waking up that first morning, alone in bed, in the foreign surroundings of my first 'on-my-own' apartment, thinking "This is exactly where I am meant to be."  

I will never, ever forget the liberation of that feeling at that moment.

On that morning, I had a great job, promising career, I was upwardly mobile, I was gloriously single with no desire to be anything but.  I had a car, I could go where I wanted.  I had a wonderfully quaint apartment.  I didn't have much in the bank, but I didn't have much debt.

But my plans for the future on that day had nothing to do with a job, a car, money or relationships.

My 10-year Plan that morning was to harness that incredible feeling of freedom, of happiness.  To make sure I never forgot what it felt like again.  

And it worked.  I didn't plan to ever get remarried, yet my path collided with Smilin' Vic's.  I didn't plan (like really, REALLY didn't plan) to get pregnant, yet I was blessed with the most amazing kiddo ever.  I just committed to letting the happiness in, and the rest followed.

But somewhere along the way, I forgot the feeling.  I forgot my commitment.  I let one small professional disappointment in.  It was quickly followed by another.  And it brought two friends, and they brought to friends, .... you know how it goes.  After a while, I tried to convince myself that the disappointment and the frustration was ok.  

I've spent a lot of time letting the happiness back in over the last few months.  Blogging has forced me to focus on the positive in my life: my family, my friends, my general lot.  I had to start dwelling on the positive or else I'd forever be known as the frustrated blogger.  I didn't want every post to be a rant.  I wanted to feel inspired again.

And somehow the memory of that happiness from ten years ago started fighting its way back to the fore.  Some days I really do feel like it's a new me.

But it's not.  It's just me.  The me I was meant to be.

Souq Waqif.  October 2012.  Sometimes you just know things aren't quite as they should be...

Souq Waqif.  October 2012.  Sometimes you just know things aren't quite as they should be...