Leaving ME with Grace ...

Grace :  a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward.  

... according to the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Last day of grade 1.  Little BFF's exiting the school year with grace.  This year's exit will be much more painful I fear., as BFF is moving on.  Where has time gone?  

A very, very good friend will soon be leaving Qatar, leaving the ME.  

She's headed to the Principality of Monaco, renown for many things, including Formula 1 races, the Monte-Carlo International Circus Festival, and Princess Grace ... 

She and her family are spring-boarding into LIFE!  Into a world that is vibrant and colorful, fresh and new.

They are moving from desert-scape to ocean vistas, from prohibition to festivals.  

From mosques to casinos, sand to surf, abayas to bikinis ... 

The contrast is blinding.

It's much like the contrast in me as I steel myself for their imminent departure;  I'm so happy for them, yet so sad to see them go.  

But this is the expat life.  This is the expat truth ... people come and people go ...

And yet ...

Some people are a little harder to let go of than others.  

This is my amazing friend.  She's a vibrant human being who's let me be Me without having to pretend I was one single thing other, celebrated the good times with me and commiserated the bad.  She's been a TRUE friend ...

And she's leaving.

And I'm sad.

I'll miss her.

A LOT.

She is Grace.  Around her, everyone moves in a way that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward.  What did she DO that was so special?  Why will her absence permeate our day?

Because much like Princess Grace of Monaco ... it's not about her history.  It's about her presence.  My friend is an amazing presence.  Her absence will be an aching void.  Her absence will be most present in those moments when I need to send a desperate text that no one else in the world would 'get'.  

She is my 'go-to' friend in Doha.  She is my constant laugh.  She is my constant rant.  She is the friend who will always farking commiserate exactly how one is meant to commiserate;  with plenty of expletives and f-bombs.

Grace is leaving me ...

I'll miss her.

A LOT.

Her daughter is my Kiddo's BFF.  The goodbye will be hard.  Likely as hard as my last goodbye to my Dad.  I'm not making light of it.  An 8-year-old's goodbye is HELL.  

I'm dreading it.  Absolutely dreading it.  

A 44-year-old's goodbye isn't much better.

Friendships, TRUE friendships, aren't easy to come by in the ME.  I know we're not losing friends; Grace and her family are friends for life ... NOTHING changes THAT.  But the FRIENDSHIP ... that day-to-day celebration and commiseration ... well, that's going.  No soft landing.  That part will soon be over.

I'll miss it.

A LOT.

Give me Grace ....

The Last Goodbye - through the eyes of an expat (Part 2)

It's my amazing brother-in-law who had the God-awful task of driving me to the airport after my last goodbye to my Dad on February 26, 2014.

We sat awkwardly in the car at the first intersection ... bundled up in silence, twelve layers of underwear, and a parka as we willed the car heater to live up to its full potential.

The light was red.  I uttered my only words of the trip ... "This will be my one regret.  I've worked so hard to live without regret, but I can't forgive myself for leaving him."

Awkward silence.  Really nothing left to say after that ...

We drove on, and my brother-in-law walked me in to the Pierre-Elliott Trudeau Airport departures terminal.  Bless him.  My sister, my mentor, called from Toronto (she'd had to go on a business trip to Toronto the day before I left) as we were saying our goodbyes.  I choked up.  Tried to be strong for her and failed.  

Summoned up all my courage to avoid breaking down again in front of my brother-in-law.  Hugged him and thanked him for his amazing support through all of this.  Support to me, support to my sister, support to my Dad, support all-around.  

Ignored the tears in his eyes and the crack in his voice as he told me to be good, hug Kiddo and say hi to Smilin' Vic.  Focused solidly on the strength in his stance and the warmth in his smile.

Turned towards the Security check-in, but slipped into the bathroom first.  Once my bro-in-law was gone, went to get myself a double-double Tim Horton's coffee (bye-bye caffeine-free pledge) and snuck outside to sip on it as I puffed on a smoke or ten, forsaking the business class lounge for caffeine, tobacco and a "why bother?" attitude in minus 25C weather outside the terminal.

Boarded the plane with minutes to spare, chased a Gravol down with a couple of glasses of Rose champagne, and caught a tear-blurred view of the de-icing of our delayed flight.

Preparing to remove the ice so we can fly to the Land of Sand ...

Reclined my seat 'til it was flat, and fell asleep watching "Three Weddings and a Funeral".  It just seemed right.

Champagne and "Three Weddings and a Funeral" ...

For the first time in my life, I wasn't excited about heading back to Smilin' Vic.  Even the fact that I'd see my Kiddo in 14 hours after being gone longer than ever before didn't ignite a spark.  I felt truly, truly numb.

I considered my life ... an expat life.  

I wondered at the cost of travel, the cost of adventure.  I wondered what it all boiled down to.  I wondered if the only truly memorable thing about Expat-dom might be goodbyes.

It's been said that if we knew what fate awaited us, we'd never bother getting out of bed in the morning.  I guess that's kind of how I felt on that long, long, long road "home".

Landing .... in the Land of Sand.w

Shadows in the ME ...

An odd shadow swept across the Doha sky on the morning I touched back down in the Land of Sand; a mysterious swipe of darkness contrasted against an otherwise seemingly fine bright sky.

Not clouds, not fog, not mist.  Simply a mysterious shadow reflecting upon the heavens from below. 

An appropriate reflection of the shadow casting darkness over me. 

How very fitting ... 

Note the shadow clearly visible from our front porch.  This photo was not retouched.

The Problem With Me ...

Let me kick this post off by saying I was initially going to go with a title like "My Top Ten List of Blogging Mistakes", or "Why I Suck at Blogging" ...

For a while I was actually fixated with posting a title that read "How Failing 'Blogging 101' Can Build Intestinal Fortitude".  

But I didn't.  

I chose to stick to a 'me' title.  

Why?  

Nothing more than incorrigible stubbornness is the best answer I can come up with.   "Me" is my theme, and I'm sticking to it, I guess ....

And that would be the first item in the list of "poor blogging etiquette and blogging mistakes"  I'm about to describe for you in agonizingly painful detail:  

1. I don't choose catchy titles that are likely to attract interest ... I keep to my theme, choosing to blatantly disregard every marketing strategy known to man and woman.  People don't want to read about "me" ... they want to read about "them".  "Me" is a turnoff.  But the reality is, I started this for "me".  If someone happens to drop by and actually relate and enjoy the insane rumination I've left behind for them to read, I say:  "Hoorah!"  I hope some of my experience as "me" in the "ME" (Middle East) may be of help to them.  If they don't like it, they can carry along on their merry way knowing full well that what I had to say had nothing to do with them initially.  After all, I did say it was all about 'me'!  (My 2 followers just unsubscribed in disgust at my self-centeredness ... )
2. I choose to blog on a "blogger-friendly" rather than "blog reader-friendly" platform.  I started out using Squarespace because it was easy for me.  I pay a few bucks a month for the peace of mind of having the software do the thinking for me.  There are many more 'blogger community-friendly' hosts that would make my life easier and let people know I'm here.  But they really take a lot of effort to develop initially.  Sure, I have to use HTML code to show strikeout, and have to import a widget from Feedburner to allow people to comment on my "About Me" page, but in the long run, that's little price to pay for not having to configure my site from scratch (no one's ever commented on the 'About Me' page anyhow, so I really wonder why I agonized so long about developing it).
3. I blog sporadically.  Some months may have 8 entries, some months may have 2.  There's no rhyme or reason, no guarantee of a weekly update.  I love writing, I love blogging, but sometimes life gets the best of me.  I wish I could do this full-time, but I can't.  I have all that mom stuff, and wife stuff, and employee stuff and house stuff, and school stuff, and social engagement stuff, and plain-old social stuff, and a whole lot of other stuff that I just have to deal with first.  So sometimes blogging just can't come first.
4. I think I nominated 'myself' for a blogging award in a drunken haze sometime last February ... can't be sure.  This is a true sign of blogging despotism.  I got an e-mail last week informing me that I'd been nominated for a reputable blogging award.  I was so thrilled!  And then I had a hazy flashback.  Back to the days when I had '0' viewers.  Back to the days when a  "www.gypsyintheme.com" Google search would produce "0" hits.  I decided I was going to read other blogs ... and reach out to other blogging forums.  And I THINK I NOMINATED MYSELF for a blogging award sometime in early 2013!  To the "Jury of said award nomination site", if you are reading this, I may have been drunk, but I'd actually read my posts and found them vaguely entertaining at the time .... Disregard the fact that I may have been plastered; concentrate on the fact that my 'Interesting Reads' section actually shows a menu advertising "chicken anus".  Enough said? 
5. My favorite bloggers are not displayed prominently enough on my homepage.  They show up on the bottom right-hand corner of my page if you scroll all the way down.  This is something I am committed to fix; I've had a hard time with it because I'm not very blog-savvy.  There are too many amazing bloggers out there.  Don't waste your time on my blog.  It really is too self-centered.  But for goodness sakes, please take the time to click on some of the links under "You Might Like".  The life experience accumulated amongst this crowd is nothing short of "AMAZING".
6. I resort to YouTube clips when I feel I can't actually "get 'you' to get 'it' ...".  I'm not sure if this is legal or not.  But YouTube has a "share" button.  Which I interpret as "share".  So I "share".  
7. I don't comment near enough on the blogs I love.  Life gets the best of me and I let it take me away.  So ... Multifarious Meanderings, ExpatEyeOnLatvia, CasinosToCastles, HX Report, KatieAndYoshieAroundTheWorld ... and all the others on my "You Might Like" page ... "sorry".   But I am following you.  You're all Wordpress and Blogger folk ... check your stats ... I'm the Qatar visitor.  I follow you, I read you, you keep me coming back because of your incredible talent.  Please don't use the frequency of my comments as a measuring stick.  Just know that I read all your posts, and when I do respond, every single word has been thought through fully.
8. My pictures suck big time.  HX Report has kindly sent me some links to photography workshops and seminars being held in the ME (Middle East) and online ... which I am hoping to tap into in the new year.  But 'til then ... well, you either get NO picture, a YouTube frame, or my own sucky pictures.  Sorry, folks. 
9. I'm not an expert expat even though I claim to host an expat blog.  I am a married, working mother, struggling to make things work in the ME.  I live in the ME, I breathe in the ME, I drive in the ME, I work in the ME.  But I'm not an expert in the ME.  This land remains a great mystery to me.  I am struggling still, after seven years, to learn the language, to understand the motivators, to read the cues.  I have many Arabic and National co-workers and acquaintances, but very few could be described as 'friends'.  This is no one's fault.  But it's a reality.  There is minimal meaningful socialization outside of work between Nationals and Western expatriates.  It happens, but in my case, it hasn't happened often.  It's a shame.  We have so much to share with each other, so much to learn from each other.  And I keep on thinking it's never too late.  Until then, I keep on hoping, keep on struggling.  Keep on searching ... and that's probably what keeps this blog alive. 
10.  Once I start writing, I can't shut up!  People want to be entertained ... BRIEFLY!  4,500 words is way over the limit for a blog post.   And yet, over and over, I keep on writing endless, meaningless posts.  Much like this one.  (Sighhhhh .......)

If anyone actually gets this far, my point is:  if you like to blog, if you love to blog ... step back for a moment.  Think about 'why' you're doing it?  For 'who' are you doing it?  As long as you're ok with the answer to both those questions, please keep on doing it.  You may be lousy at it; you may be amazing at it.  But if you know who you're doing it for and why ... well, you've got it covered.  Acknowledge your strengths, weaknesses, mistakes ... and move on from there....

HAPPY BLOGGING!  And don't let your blogging mistakes ever let you down. 

Oh, and mistake number 1?  Well, it's hard to correct ... Just feels so empty without 'me' in the 'ME'.  

For some reason, this video seemed right ... minute 4:45 shows me surrendering to my incessant navel-gazing ...

"Just feels so empty, without Me ..."  "Nananana, nanananahna, nananananha, nanana NA...." 

Music video by Eminem performing Without Me. (C) 2002 Aftermath Records

Sometimes "In My Heart" Just Isn't Enough for Me, Maman ...

Goodbyes are inevitable.  

In the ME, in North America, in Europe.  

Goodbyes are a certainty.   

Everyone, at some point, will say their goodbye.  Whether it's casual or final is up to the stars to decide.

No one escapes a goodbye. 

But in the ME ....

"Well, ......"

Even the most casual of goodbyes becomes an event of tragic proportions, particularly as seen through the eyes of an 8-year-old.  

A spoken "goodbye" denotes a potential permanent detachment in even the most  trivial of situations.   

This is because we are living as expatriates in a land where we have no roots.  We do have friends, we have amazing friends ... and we will carry them in our hearts just as we have carried our family HERE in our hearts.

But we have no roots ...  

And our goodbyes are too often final ...

• Your nanny when you were 3?
• She moved back to the Philippines when you were 4.
• Your best friend in Grade 2?
• She never showed up for Grade 3 ... her family moved to America.
• Your favorite teacher?
• She had to move back to Canada mid-year to care for her ailing father.

You may or may not hear from them occasionally after they leave ... it all depends on how solid the relationship was.  

But the fact is your heart will ache.  

And as a child, that ache is all encompassing.  

You are left with your immediate family:  Mom, Dad, and siblings if you're lucky. 

No Uncles and Aunts to confide in, no cousins to depend on, no Grandmother or Grandfather to turn to. 

It's just you ... and Maman and Papa. 

So an old family friend comes to visit for a couple of weeks.  And you have a blast.  And you get spoiled.  And you are so excited to finally tell all your friends and all your teachers that you have someone from 'back home' here to visit you. 

And then after two weeks he says: 

"Goodbye ... "

And you cry.  And I tell you not to worry about it. 

"Just keep him in your heart, where you keep Pepere, and Grandmaman, and everyone else who you love but is far away."  

And you look at me, with your true blue eyes, and say "But Maman, sometimes 'in my heart' just isn't enough for me." 

And I sigh, nod in agreement, and cry just a little inside. 

Thanks for coming to visit, Uncle Shaun, and "aurevoir", "until we meet again".  We will carry you in our hearts, but we really don't want to say "goodbye". 

Safe travels.   

"Aurevoir, ce n'est pas tout-'a-fait Adieu ..." 

Uploaded by Eva Necka on 2011-08-20.